Tuesday, February 2, 2016

FEELING VERY OVERWHELMED!

For about six years, I compulsively wrote down reassurances to myself in an attempt to neutralize my obsessive fears, for example, that a lone man I'd encountered on the street hadn't raped, attacked or contaminated me, then stored them in the pink folder above. I still write down reassurances to myself - but on the 'note maker' facility on my iPhone.

Starting this blog up feels like a positive move, in that through committing to update it, I'm making myself focus on my recovery more, whereas last year I allowed myself to be easily distracted from the task in hand because it felt too painful to confront. It's also something tangible I can think about that gives me strength when I'm in the midst of angst-provoking situations: This morning, knowing that I'm fighting my OCD again rather than passively letting it claim more and more of my life, I was able to only check household appliances a couple of times before leaving the house (normally I have to check up to 20 times)!

I've made a start on preparing my Anxiety / Exposure Master Hierarchy (the first stage of engagement in ERP). Right now, it feels as if I have so many fears, obsessions, triggers and compulsions, that I don't know where to begin. My friend, Richelle Leah said to me recently, "I honestly think you can start anywhere and you'll end up in a better place." Here's hoping!

3 comments:

  1. Hi, I just found your blog from your comment on ocdtalks blog. I struggle with contamination too, and I am currently doing my own ERP therapy without professional help. Here's to hoping you good luck on yours! It is SO worth it...truly is life changing. Check out my blog if you'd like. fightagainstocd@blogspot.com

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    1. Dear hopeful, Many thanks for your comment, your encouragement and your best wishes. I'm so sorry you suffer with contamination, too, but am impressed and happy to see that you're going to engage in the difficult task of self-directed ERP. I do hope it is worth it. I shall check out your blog now, and let you know what I think. All the very best, and here to chat anytime. Gemma

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  2. Oops, I had my blog address wrong. It is fightagainstocd.blogspot.com. :)

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