Friday, June 24, 2016


Dahlia at my beloved allotment.

I needed a rest this week; to catch up on work that needed doing on my allotment, and to try and reduce my stress levels as my skin was still flaring up with eczema.

With regards to commencing ERP on some of my ‘checking’ obsessions, PMT prevented me from making much progress, but on one occasion at my allotment I succeeded in checking my greenhouse door was closed only one time before leaving. I still had to seek reassurance from my partner, Jan, and write down that the door was securely shut, however, but this was a tiny step in the right direction.

I’m also no longer asking Jan to text me that household appliances are all off and that our cat, Tigger, is safely locked in after I leave the house: I figure if I can reduce acting on my compulsions little by little, eventually doing serious ERP on these ‘checking’ compulsions won’t feel like such a huge mountain to climb.

While at work performing my fiddle on the London Underground, I attempted not to indulge my newly out-of-control obsession that anyone who accidentally bumps into or touches me will contaminate me, and managed to at least put off compulsively seeking reassurance from Jan  / writing down that I hadn’t in fact been contaminated by anyone.

Lastly, some great news: On Tuesday I’m due to attend an initial exploratory meeting for counselling at Nia; East London Rape Crisis, and I’m hoping that finally I shall have someone I feel able to talk to about my traumatic family problems and the battle I have trying not to sabotage every bit of success and happiness I experience (though I’m getting better at this): I must carry on committing to looking after myself and trying to get better.

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